One Year

Our angel is one year! Friends, family, and co-workers have been asking me “can you believe its been a year?” no, no I can’t. It was just last week we found out we were pregnant, just yesterday I had her, where did the time go? What happened to my new born?

Aria has developed into her little self already. She is the smartest baby I have even seen/met. I know that every parent must say that, but even her doctor is so impressed with her vocabulary, eating, and over all development. She says mama, dada, this, teddy, nana, papa, juice, and cookie. She is trying so hard to walk, just a few steps these days, but trying so hard.

As I said in a previous post, I wanted to write a letter to Aria on her First birthday and give it to her on a special occasion. Below is my letter.

Aria, my precious daughter, you are the love of my life. It is true what they say, you never know how much you could love someone until you hold your child in your arms. You light up my day every time I see your precious face. I can’t wait to wake up in the morning to see your smile and watch you learn and grow as you play. You have brought so much joy to our lives. You make everyone so happy! I must admit, motherhood isn’t an easy road. You have made me realize how patient and gentle I can be. You have kept me up literally all night long, you have screamed in my ears, you have given me trials and tribulations all in one year, but I would not give up those times for anything! Even now you have become miss independent and don’t like to cuddle as much as you used to. I miss those times you needed me in the middle of the night where I have to rock you for hours with you asleep on my chest. I cherish those times where I could just breathe you in each breath you took. I have spent a year of sleepless nights, worries of your health and happiness, questions of am I a good mother. You reassure me that I am doing things right when you fall into me with a hug or hold on to me so tight when I get you out of your crib first thing in the morning. I have spent a year trying to find the right words to say to you. I happened to come across another mom’s blog and she was able to find the words for the feelings in my heart.

You Won't Remember, But I Will

You won't remember the way I stood in the bathroom late that night in labor with you, fearfully and excitedly gazing up at the moon, knowing I was going to bring you into the world soon and whispering to you, "We can do this."

You won't remember the way you looked at me right after you were born, or the way I pulled you up next to my heart and marveled "Hi, baby" in your ear.

You won't remember the way you healed my broken spirit. The way you completed my heart. I was weak before I had you, and you made me whole again.

You won't remember the way I proudly watched you everywhere we went, you were always the most beautiful girl in the room to me.

You won't remember the way you made me laugh with all of the silly things you did. I saw how kind your heart was.

You won't remember the way I would brush the hair off of your forehead and the way you'd look up at me. Without any words, our souls could touch and say everything to each other that words couldn't.

You won't remember the tickle fests we had, and how I always cheated so I could hold you close and cover your salty little face in kisses.

You won't remember all the times I went to bed at night and felt such fear being your mother: Am I doing okay? Have I messed up too many times already? Can I be the kind of mother he needs?

You won't remember the way my heart broke and grew a little bigger each time you passed a milestone, watching the sand fall through the hourglass while feeling overjoyed witnessing you expand and grow.

You won't remember the way I would hold your little feet in my hands, imagining how much bigger than my own feet they will one day grow, and how I will have to let you go.

You won't remember, but I will... and I'll hold these memories in my heart for the both of us.

Please know that you will always be my baby, you will never do wrong in my eyes, I love you more than you will ever know.